Letting Go Of Control

Flexibility used to be one of my greatest weaknesses. I overplanned and overcontrolled just about everything I did in order to achieve certainty in my life.

The problem was, I didn't know how to adjust course when things didn't go as planned.

I grew up in a household where nothing was in my control. My father had a heavy drinking problem, which often led to his scary and angry outbursts, and my sister and I were taught to keep our mouths shut and not make waves. “Don’t upset Daddy” was repeatedly told to us by our mother in an attempt to keep us safe.

We had no voice and no control over what happened to us. Our household was volatile and scary.

As an adult, I subconsciously began trying to control absolutely everything around me as a way to compensate and deal with the past. Let me tell you, it was exhausting.

Honestly, it was not only exhausting for me but for the people around me as well. Whenever my plans veered off course, I became super anxious because it caused me to enter into the unknown.

I realized that I needed to learn to roll better with changes. I needed to learn how to be flexible with plans B, C, and D if necessary.

How did I accomplish this? For one month, I practiced letting go of control by embracing the unknown. I used my first trip to Europe as the setting, with a travel companion who was on board with helping me get out of my comfort zone.

When I began packing, feelings of anxiety crept in. Wearing my emotions on my sleeve, and with full disclosure, I told my travel companion of my struggles:

• I meticulously plan every minute of every vacation

• Any change of plans may cause anxiety within me

• I travel with three times more things than I need

• I prefer to stay in hotels because I like my privacy

• I’m self-conscious and take a long time getting ready in the morning

• I’ll probably cry at some point on this vacation

My fears were met with love and understanding, and a willingness to see me for who I am without judgment. I realized in that moment how important a support system is!

We went to several different countries where I didn't know the language, I wasn't sure where we were going to stay, and I packed lighter than I ever had in my entire life. We played it by ear for a significant portion of our trip (meaning no itinerary), and although I knew I was capable and in good company, I was still a bit nervous.

The month was surreal. It was one of the most life-changing experiences I've ever had.

Although I was way out of my comfort zone for most of the trip, it quickly became exciting and freeing. I learned to embrace uncertainty and live in the moment. The journey taught me a lot about myself and others.

Towards the end of the trip, I looked at my travel companion and joyously declared, “We’ve had no problems on this trip!” He flashed me a smile and said, “We’ve had problems, we just didn’t make them problems.” That’s when I realized that our attitude and mindset had been guiding our experiences the entire time.

You see, we did have challenges along the way. Our rental car got damaged, I lost my train tickets, I crashed my bicycle in Amsterdam, and we had a few misunderstandings of our expectations of each other along the way. But he was right. We chose not to let the challenges negatively affect our trip.

When things came up, we respected each other and we communicated. We rolled with life as it unfolded and we were happily living in the moment.

I’ll be honest; there were many tears shed during that trip but not for what I had expected. I originally thought that I would break down crying out of frustration and anxiety. But to my surprise, my tears came from happiness and gratitude.

Life is a journey. Continue exploring the best version of yourself.